The blog is undergoing yet another transformation. I am not a gifted graphic designer, but I'm also too stubborn to give up. So it's a work in progress...but I finally feel like I got it right this time. The colors, the design. It feels like "me". And I'm loving the process!
The house. The blog. And....my heart! Doesn't it seem like just when you think you're good to coast along, suddenly you realize how very much there is to work on? Just when I think I've washed the last shirt, Blake finds something to spill. Just when I think I'm in love with my blog design, I realize it just doesn't fit my purpose and I start fresh again.
Just when I think I've been growing and learning what I should be doing in life, God shows me a glimpse of the bigger picture and I realize how much I have to work on. It can be overwhelming to think about. Where am I at in my marriage? How am I doing with intentionally leading Blake's heart, not just his actions? What about those "baggage boxes" I've been storing away in the basement of my heart? All things to surrender. All things that I have to acknowledge are so far from the standard Jesus set.
When you're attempting to overhaul something, many times things get messier before they get cleaner. The closet that will forever be your arch-enemy of organization? It looks a million times worse when the contents are piled on the floor as you're sorting and purging, doesn't it? It's the same with our hearts...when we're pulling out all the junk we hold onto and laying it before the Lord, things look so messy. So raw. So overwhelming!
But it's the cleaning, the purging, the straightening out, that makes our houses and our hearts function at their best. Letting go of things that weigh us down and add clutter to our lives is so much easier to do when it's a tangible box of Goodwill donations! When it's my heart, there's a different story to tell. I argue. I justify. I cling to an unforgiving attitude, the boundary lines I've established, the walls I've built, the dashed hopes of yesterday and the forgotten dreams of tomorrow. And for what?? It's not like they serve a purpose or bring any satisfaction. In fact if I'm honest about it, they only serve to cause discouragement, dissatisfaction, discontentment...all things that I do not want in my heart or life!
So the overhaul begins. I'm struggling to start the process and to humbly lay my garbage bags of junk at Jesus' feet as I ask Him to "take out the trash". Maybe that's why it's so hard? The very One whose standard I can't live up to is the only one who can clean up my heart space. There's such an unusual feeling to it all...it's humbling and sobering, and at the same time it brings such relief and joy and gratitude to those dark, dingy corners of my little heart!
Philippians 1:6 "He who started the work, will be faithful to complete it in you!"