Friday, April 6, 2012


Knowing that something with the potential to powerfully change my life is on the horizon
is more than enough to make me
act like a little kid with ants in her pants. 

Knowing that in just over three-ish months, our baby girl will be here
both thrills my heart 
terrifies my soul!
I am bored with being pregnant...I just want to kiss those sweet cheeks. 
I am stressed out, anxious, overwhelmed, and regularly a 
ball of snotty weepiness...
I just want Blake to not make our days a battle over 
But he is two. Our days will be battles for awhile. 
I cling to the little glimpses of progress I see...the times he responds to our instructions
without a defiant
"Blakey NOT want"...
you know the drill. 
I cling to the times where I am not being stared at, three items into our grocery list,
because my son's sin nature is rearing it's ugly head. 
I live for the moments where he kisses my cheek or busters my belly.
And I try to remember that while these are the days that
try a mommy's soul...
these are also the
best days of my life. 

This picture is from last Easter. 
Blake still had his beloved 
He still fit in a ring-sling carrier on my back. 
His hair still had the slightest hint of red to it. 

The times that I find myself wishing for the next stage of life,
the one where things will be -in my mind at least-
less demanding,
more enjoyable...
I stop. 
And I think about the time that has already passed and 
I pray for
a giving spirit, 
a patient heart,
a loving response, 
a grace-filled moment 
both to receive and to give. 
Because I know that next year 
I will be looking back at pictures and feeling that little twinge of pain
in my heart, knowing I can't ever have those days back. 
Knowing that there will be two little gifts from God toddling around 
huge chunks of my heart. 
Knowing that every day is filled with moments I can choose 
to resent or to cherish. 
Because either way, they won't ever be here again.