Knowing that something with the potential to powerfully change my life is on the horizon
is more than enough to make me
act like a little kid with ants in her pants.
Knowing that in just over three-ish months, our baby girl will be here
both thrills my heart
terrifies my soul!
I am bored with being pregnant...I just want to kiss those sweet cheeks.
I am stressed out, anxious, overwhelmed, and regularly a
ball of snotty weepiness...
I just want Blake to not make our days a battle over
But he is two. Our days will be battles for awhile.
I cling to the little glimpses of progress I see...the times he responds to our instructions
without a defiant
"Blakey NOT want"...
you know the drill.
I cling to the times where I am not being stared at, three items into our grocery list,
because my son's sin nature is rearing it's ugly head.
I live for the moments where he kisses my cheek or busters my belly.
And I try to remember that while these are the days that
try a mommy's soul...
these are also the
best days of my life.
This picture is from last Easter.
Blake still had his beloved pacifier...bo-bo.
He still fit in a ring-sling carrier on my back.
His hair still had the slightest hint of red to it.
The times that I find myself wishing for the next stage of life,
the one where things will be -in my mind at least-
And I think about the time that has already passed and
I pray for
a giving spirit,
a patient heart,
a loving response,
a grace-filled moment
both to receive and to give.
Because I know that next year
I will be looking back at pictures and feeling that little twinge of pain
in my heart, knowing I can't ever have those days back.
Knowing that there will be two little gifts from God toddling around
huge chunks of my heart.
Knowing that every day is filled with moments I can choose
to resent or to cherish.
Because either way, they won't ever be here again.