Wednesday, January 18, 2012

About Two

Pregnancy has to be the most up and down time in my life to date...
ask Josh
he'll tell you about the times that I am laughing hysterically at 
something he's just said;
and how seconds later he realizes I am sobbing
just as hysterically about something else. 

I will be honest with you...
one day last week was the first time I have 
let myself be excited about Baby #2. 

I had the television on after lunchtime Barney was over, 
and I found myself watching Baby Story on TLC.
Normally, that show makes me cry....or irritated at all the skinny women who look like they 
just happened to swallow a basketball. 
But when I saw the little baby all snuggled up in his hospital cap and blanket, I thought
I can't wait for that day to come.
I felt real.
I felt alive. 
I felt happy. 

Maybe you're wondering how anybody can go
weeks and weeks of being pregnant
and not feel excited...

I don't think it's that I wasn't excited, 
I think fear was stealing my joy. 

I wanted to be excited...
but my heart has been aching with fears.

Early on, I was terrified of something happening to the life inside. 
Would everything develop as it should?
Would her heart beat?

Then I struggled with stories around me of 
mama's who had picked out names, only to have to say goodbye
when that heart beat was no longer there. 

I feared timing. 
Would I still be a good mama to Blake with a newborn to care for?
Will Josh and I stay connected, on the same page...loving, caring, working our way
through married life?

I felt guilty. 
Guilt...because of the little one's those close to me have lost. 
Guilt...because I don't feel the same way I did with Blake. 
All these feelings that were so big in my heart that they 
nudged out what should have been. 

No, not happiness. 

Happiness, excitement, that yeow feeling...
they come and go.
It's life.
It's normal. 
Because we're human and we're up & down. 
One minute we're laughing and the next we're balling our eyes out. 
But joy?
Joy comes from find it when you rest in what you can be assured of. 
I don't know what will happen with this baby...
we pray everyday for the little life I'm carrying to grow, to develop, 
to come to us in July with ten fingers and ten toes
and the heart bursting feelings that a baby brings.

There's so much that I can not be assured of in this world. 
That's fear at it's best. 
But when I let my weary, anxious heart 
just rest...
I find joy.
And happy.
And excited.

Not because I know the future...
just because I know the One
who holds it.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Human Trafficking Awareness Day

I'd like to share with you the newest and biggest change to this blog...
the one that is closest to my heart. 

The Lord has been impressing on my heart for many months now, both the abundant life I am living and 
the bleak future of enslaved children around the world. 
Children who are forced to work long hours in horrific conditions. 
Children who have their innocence stripped from them as they are sold into sexual slavery. 
Children who have known more evil in a day than most of us will ever experience in our entire lives.

The ones who should be kicking a ball, dressing up a doll, playing house...just brightening the world with
their sweet smiles, 
these are the ones who suffer daily. 

Today is Human Trafficking Awareness Day. 

I mentioned yesterday that during my break from blogging, I was seeking out what it was that
God would use this blog to accomplish...for His glory and for the benefit of others. 
As thoughts of little children trapped in brothels or living on the streets around the world weighed heavy on my mind and heart, I felt the Lord leading me to act. 
Though I'm stepping back from the "rat-race" of blogging for now, 
my purpose has changed and I am more inspired and encouraged than ever before!

"Happy is he who has the God of Jacob for his help,
whose hope is in the Lord His God, 
Who made heaven and earth,
the seas, and all that is in them;
Who keeps truth forever,
Who executes justice for the oppressed 
Who gives food to the hungry.
The Lord gives freedom to the prisoners."
Psalm 146:5-7

My goal for the coming year is to begin supporting ministries that fight for justice and freedom for
those affected by human trafficking.
Here are some ways that you can become involved too...

Ask God to show you what you can do...and pray for those who are living in forced labor, sexual slavery, and who are being dealt with unjustly in their homelands.
Educate Yourself!
There are piles of information available concerning the realities of human trafficking. Sometimes it's really hard to read about...but seek to have a compassionate heart and become aware of the very real needs of others. 
Give Support!
By giving financially to missions and organizations who seek justice and restoration for the victims of human trafficking, you can be involved! Don't think that because you're not able to travel the world or kick down a brothel door, that there's nothing you can do...
support an orphan, buy items that do not come from places that use children for forced labor,
give a monthly gift either individually or find a group of people to share the joy of giving with!

Will you join me today in praying passionately 
for the end of human trafficking?

We are called in the book of Micah to
love mercy
do justly
walk humbly...
God can do such seemingly impossible things, my friends!

Please check out these organizations and seek how God would have you be involved!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012


As you can tell, there's some changes happening around these parts...the first, made obvious by the goofy face of my sweet boy who somehow in the blink of an eye became big enough to be 
Big Brother.
We are blessed. 
We are overwhelmed with His goodness. 
We are wide-eyed at the prospect of a new baby,
while having just entered toddler-dom. 
It used to scare me. It used to make my heart ache with what would no longer be. 
I've changed...
my heart doesn't feel afraid anymore.
I feel joy. 
I feel hopeful. 
Because I know whatever the days hold- easy or hard- God is with me. 
He is good. 
And I can only live with gratitude for the abundance He's giving. 

"I will tell of the Lord's unfailing love. I will praise the Lord for all He has done. I will rejoice in His great goodness...which He has granted because of His mercy and love!"
Isaiah 63:7

You may have noticed too, some changes with my blog. 
Back in November, when I decided to take some time away it was both out of necessity and out of desire.
Let's just say that " morning sickness" was an all day event some days and blogging was not on the 
To Do List!
But more than just physically needing a break, my heart needed some time away to think and refocus. 
What is my purpose, my mission  for the time I spend in writing? 
Does it have worth? Value? 

When I began last spring to blog daily, my intent was to keep up with my family who live out of state. My intent was to do something I love and hadn't done in a long time. 
To simply write about the joys of the day. 
Funny how things can so quickly change course, huh?

Instead of stepping away from Facebook and focusing on my blog, I found myself at a place with
 two Facebook accounts, a Twitter account, and an Etsy shop. 
The demands were high. I felt the need to grow my followers, to run with the big guns of blogging.
But's just not me. 

I love to craft...but I don't have time to run my own small business online. 
My small business involves teaching piano three nights a week. 
I love to stay connected online...but I don't want to announce my every move by Tweeting fifty times a day. 
I love to write...but not at the expense of living. Enjoying. Being in the moment. 

So I'm stepping back. 
Back into blogging.
But away from what isn't working in my life. 

My heart feels so full these days. 
Call it emotions. Call it hormones. 
It's probably some of both. 
But more than that, it's simply being in a place of deep reliance on my Savior. 
It's the hiding away in the safety of His simplicity. 
It's being in tune with what He's doing, and where He's leading and calling. 
It's living simply. In the moment. 
With gratitude.
A life driven by a thankful heart. 
Thankful for all things...