Knowing that something with the potential to powerfully change my life is on the horizon
is more than enough to make me
act like a little kid with ants in her pants.
Knowing that in just over three-ish months, our baby girl will be here
both thrills my heart
and
terrifies my soul!
I am bored with being pregnant...I just want to kiss those sweet cheeks.
I am stressed out, anxious, overwhelmed, and regularly a
ball of snotty weepiness...
I just want Blake to not make our days a battle over
everything.
But he is two. Our days will be battles for awhile.
I cling to the little glimpses of progress I see...the times he responds to our instructions
without a defiant
"NO"
"Blakey NOT want"...
you know the drill.
I cling to the times where I am not being stared at, three items into our grocery list,
because my son's sin nature is rearing it's ugly head.
I live for the moments where he kisses my cheek or busters my belly.
And I try to remember that while these are the days that
try a mommy's soul...
these are also the
best days of my life.
This picture is from last Easter.
Blake still had his beloved pacifier...bo-bo.
He still fit in a ring-sling carrier on my back.
His hair still had the slightest hint of red to it.
The times that I find myself wishing for the next stage of life,
the one where things will be -in my mind at least-
easier,
less demanding,
more enjoyable...
I stop.
And I think about the time that has already passed and
I pray for
a giving spirit,
a patient heart,
a loving response,
a grace-filled moment
both to receive and to give.
Because I know that next year
I will be looking back at pictures and feeling that little twinge of pain
in my heart, knowing I can't ever have those days back.
Knowing that there will be two little gifts from God toddling around
with
huge chunks of my heart.
Knowing that every day is filled with moments I can choose
to resent or to cherish.
Because either way, they won't ever be here again.
