About Two

Pregnancy has to be the most up and down time in my life to date...

ask Josh, 

he'll tell you about the times that I am laughing hysterically at 

something he's just said;

and how seconds later he realizes I am sobbing

just as hysterically about something else. 

I will be honest with you...

one day last week was the first time I have 

let myself be excited about Baby #2. 

I had the television on after lunchtime Barney was over, 

and I found myself watching Baby Story on TLC.

Normally, that show makes me cry....or irritated at all the skinny women who look like they 

just happened to swallow a basketball. 

But when I saw the little baby all snuggled up in his hospital cap and blanket, I thought

I can't wait for that day to come.

I felt real.

I felt alive. 

I felt happy. 

source

Maybe you're wondering how anybody can go

weeks and weeks of being pregnant

and not feel excited...

I don't think it's that I wasn't excited, 

I think fear was stealing my joy. 

I wanted to be excited...

but my heart has been aching with fears.

Early on, I was terrified of something happening to the life inside. 

Would everything develop as it should?

Would her heart beat?

Then I struggled with stories around me of 

mama's who had picked out names, only to have to say goodbye

when that heart beat was no longer there. 

I feared timing. 

Would I still be a good mama to Blake with a newborn to care for?

Will Josh and I stay connected, on the same page...loving, caring, working our way

through married life?

I felt guilty. 

Guilt...because of the little one's those close to me have lost. 

Guilt...because I don't feel the same way I did with Blake. 

All these feelings that were so big in my heart that they 

nudged out what should have been. 

No, not happiness. 

Trust. 

Happiness, excitement, that yeow feeling...

they come and go.

It's life.

It's normal. 

Because we're human and we're up & down. 

One minute we're laughing and the next we're balling our eyes out. 

But joy?

Joy comes from trust...you find it when you rest in what you can be assured of. 

I don't know what will happen with this baby...

we pray everyday for the little life I'm carrying to grow, to develop, 

to come to us in July with ten fingers and ten toes

and the heart bursting feelings that a baby brings.

There's so much that I can not be assured of in this world. 

That's fear at it's best. 

But when I let my weary, anxious heart 

just rest...

I find joy.

And happy.

And excited.

Not because I know the future...

just because I know the One

who holds it.

07-21-12

Wordless Wednesday: Bagels with Bri

Forty Years

I am a sailor

and you're my first mate

We signed on together, we coupled our fate. 

We hauled up our anchor, determined not to fail

For the heart's treasure together we set sail

With no maps to guide us we steered our own course

We rode out the storms 

when the winds were gale force

We sat out the doldrums with patience and hope

Working together we learned how to cope. 

Life is an ocean, Love is a boat

In troubled waters, It keeps us afloat

When we started the voyage there was just

me and you

Now, gathered round us

we have our own crew.

Congratulations to my wonderful parents, celebrating 

40 years together

today...

you are an inspiration and encouragement to all of us

who've just 

set sail.

Love you Mom and Dad!

Lawnmower Blues

 This was on Sunday...

The rip cord in our lawnmower broke, and Josh was fixing it. He's good like that. 

Blake was helping. 

Hammer and drill in hand...

The boys got the job done and the mower running!

Starting on Monday, this is the conversation I have had

no less than 25 times every single day this week...

Blake: Mu Mommy?

Me: Yes?

Blake: Mommy!

Me: What do you need?

Blake: Mu daddy?

Me: Daddy's at work, remember?

Blake: Mu daddy mow mow. 

Me: No, daddy's at work right now. He will do the mower another time. 

Blake: Mu daddy...(a few words yet to be translated) ...ahhside. Do mow mow. 

Me: Ok

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. 

Any guesses as to where Josh and Blake will be tomorrow?

Yup.

Ahh-side (wink*)

Trunk or Treat

Blake and Papa

Our little giraffe had a cold and was not a happy camper!

My monkey nephew Jack Ryan

The sweetest ice cream cone ever...my niece Addie Paige!

Katie and Jack Ryan

The birthday party Addie planned...party hats, pinata, cookies...this girl knows how to party!

 Blake's first taste of Halloween candy!

Don't forget to enter my latest giveaway here!

Coupon code GRACE10  good through next Wednesday

at Grace For Grace!!

Sneak Peek: Ten Family Photo Faves

It was a gorgeous fall day.

Sunny, blue skies...brightly colored leaves. 

And a fabulous lady snapping pictures of me and my loves. 

These are my faves....heart**

Photos taken by Stacie Ross

Stuffed Acorn Squash

Almost everything I know about cooking, I learned from my mama....she is uh-mazing.

And almost everything I cook for my own little family these days comes from recipes that have been passed along from my family. 

Including this recipe. It is pure fall yumminess!

Every October, my Mom would make Stuffed Acorn Squash for my sister Colleen's birthday.

She loved it. We all loved it!

Take the acorn squash and trim off a small part of the end so that they sit flat. 

If you microwave the sqaush(es) for a couple minutes, they will be much easier to cut!!

After trimming the ends, cut each squash in half horizontally (not stem to bottom).

Scoop out the seeds and gooey stringy-ness from inside the squash. 

Place cut-side down in a baking pan with a little water in the bottom. (The steam will help the squash bake!)

Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for around 30 minutes, or until the squash has significantly softened.

Flip the squash over, and stuff....

Stuffing: 1 lb pork sausage

1 1/2 cups cooked white or brown rice

1-2 small apples, chopped

(This is enough to make 4 halves...increase amounts according to the number of squash you're stuffing.)

Bake stuffed squash for another 35-40 minutes, or until stuffing is cooked through and browned on top.

Cover each squash with shredded cheddar cheese and bake for 5ish more minutes.

Prepare your tummy for the wow factor....you're about to be blown away**

My mom used to make cheese casserole bread to go with this....but since that takes rising yeast, I just made some quick biscuits instead. (Another yummy recipe from my mom!)

Eating this makes me miss my sister!! But it makes me SO thankful for the family memories we all have....usually around a fabulous home cooked meal at a table full of kids. 

Now it's your turn!!

No lengthy rules...just link up something food related. Please, please grab the 

Good Lookin, Good Cookin Button from my sidebar 

and include it in your blog post!

So Long, Summer

Holland, Michigan 2011

The weatherman says there's frost on the way... Blake and I put on jeans and long sleeve-shirts today and it's a little bit sad to me. I know I've said this before but I'm not a hot weather girl...I really love the way fall romances my senses with it's bright colored leaves, cool air, caramel apples and pumpkins. 

But there's a little part of me that is sad to see summer go. 

Mostly because our summer's are usually filled with trips to the Lake Michigan shore, visits from my out-of-state sisters and their families, picnics, and just a whole lot of togetherness! Fall comes around and we all kind of settle into the new routines and busy schedules

...there's not as much freedom to play.  

But we made one last trip to Holland State Park, just in time to catch the sunset, play some football....and get our legs sandblasted by the wind whipped sand! 

(I was hoping I wouldn't have to shave ever again....not so lucky, wink*)

So long summer, I'll miss your warm sunshine, your bright blue skies, your sandy beaches and crashing waves... I'll miss the watermelon, the hamburgers, the smores. I'll miss the ice cream coated grins of sweet little boys and a pretty little girl...

See you next year Summer....it's time to say

**Hello Fall**